Stop Smoothing Yourself Out: The Freedom of Being Fully You

Have you ever been told you need to smooth yourself out?

Smooth out your curly hair. Straighten it.

Smooth out your skin. Cover it.

Smooth out your curves. Squeeze into the Spanx.

But maybe the smoothing didn’t stop with your appearance.

Maybe someone suggested you should smooth out your emotions.

Don’t be so sensitive.
Don’t get so excited.
Don’t cry so easily.

Maybe you were encouraged to smooth out your personality.

Be quieter.
Talk slower.
Calm down.
Don’t be so passionate.
Don’t take up so much space.

And somewhere along the way, many of us started believing that becoming more acceptable meant becoming less ourselves.

What If You Stopped Smoothing?

I recently did a photo shoot, and the photographer said something that stayed with me:

“I love your curls. Can we embrace them instead of smoothing or straightening your hair?”

Absolutely.

But it made me think about how often we do the opposite—not just with our hair, but with our entire lives.

We hide the scars.

We cover the wrinkles.

We squeeze the curves.

We apologize for the tears.

We lower the volume on our laughter.

We shrink our dreams.

We soften our opinions.

We make ourselves smaller so someone else won’t think we’re “too much.”

What if we stopped?

Your Imperfections Tell a Story

Those lines around your eyes may be evidence of thousands of smiles.

Those scars may remind you of something you survived.

Those curves may tell the story of children carried, meals shared, celebrations enjoyed, or simply a body that has carried you through decades of living.

And your emotions?

They mean you care.

Your passion?

It may be connected to your purpose.

Your enthusiasm?

It might be exactly what gives someone else permission to come alive.

There is a difference between growing into the healthiest version of ourselves and constantly editing ourselves because we’re afraid someone won’t approve.

Growth says, “I want to become more of who I was created to be.”

Perfectionism says, “I need to become who everyone else wants me to be.”

Those are very different journeys.

You Were Never Called to Be Everyone’s Cup of Tea

I’ve accepted something that has brought me tremendous freedom:

Not everyone is going to like me.

And that’s okay.

I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

Frankly, some days I’m probably more like a double espresso with a pineapple on the side. 🍍

But I would rather live authentically than spend my life constantly adjusting myself according to who’s in the room.

I want to show up fully.

Curly.

Curvy.

Emotional.

Passionate.

Joyful.

Imperfect.

Growing.

Alive.

I believe God created each of us uniquely and intentionally. Our job isn’t to become carbon copies of one another. It’s to discover our gifts, grow them, and use them to serve others.

An Invitation: Stop Apologizing for Being You

What would happen if you stopped saying:

“Sorry, I’m too sensitive.”

“Sorry, I got so excited.”

“Sorry, I talk too much.”

“Sorry, my hair is a mess.”

“Sorry, I don’t look like I used to.”

What if instead you simply said:

This is me. I’m still growing, still learning, still becoming—and I like the woman I’m becoming.

Pull yourself together when you need to.

Grow.

Learn.

Heal.

Stretch.

But don’t pull yourself together so tightly that you squeeze the joy, personality, creativity, and authenticity right out of yourself.

Life isn’t smooth.

Neither are we.

And perhaps that’s where some of the beauty lives.

So here’s my invitation:

Stop smoothing yourself out.

Embrace the curls.

Love the curves.

Honor the scars.

Feel the feelings.

Use your voice.

Tell your story.

Laugh loudly.

Love deeply.

And show up as the beautiful, imperfect, wonderfully created person you are.

Because the world doesn’t need a smoother version of you.

It needs the real one.

Your turn

Where have you been smoothing yourself out to make other people comfortable?

And what would it look like to show up more fully as yourself?

I’d love to hear from you.

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Ready to use more of your authentic voice?

If you’ve lived a story that could encourage, teach, inspire, or transform someone else, it may be time to stop keeping it to yourself.

Through my Story to Stage 90-Day Coaching Program, I help women uncover the message inside their experiences, develop it into a meaningful platform, and explore how to turn that message into speaking, books, podcasts, and real income.

Your story doesn’t have to be perfect.

It just has to be yours.